Explosions
by Amie357
Summary: Set after the end of season 1, Jess is helping Nick get his stuff back into the apartment when there is an explosion. Nick is trapped and hurt and Jess must help him. Things are said, which can't be unsaid, and the two of them must cope with the aftermath. Rated T, but not for the faint hearted.
1. Chapter 1

Jess bounced out of bed. She was thrilled that Nick had come back to the apartment. She wasn't even exactly sure why she was so happy, but it felt good to know that Nick wasn't rushing into a big mistake with Caroline. After the night in the desert, she was glad she had reached him and made him think about what he was doing.

Or not doing, as it turned out, she thought to herself with a smile. She quickly showered and dressed and headed out to the kitchen to grab some breakfast.

Nick's back spasmed as he woke up slightly earlier than intended. He had slept on the floor in his bedroom as it was too late to get his bed back up from the moving van when he had returned the previous night. He rolled over and got to his feet, thinking that a nice hot shower would probably fix his back enough to go get his stuff reinstated to his room.

He was correct about the shower. The pounding hard, red hot water had removed the kinks from his back. He luxuriated under the stream for a few more minutes than was strictly necessary before wrapping a towel around himself and heading out to the kitchen to grab a coffee.

Jess was standing in the kitchen, reading a magazine resting on the countertop while she ate cereal. He smiled as he noticed her humming along to a song that was only in her head.

Nick went and grabbed the pot of coffee and poured some into the biggest mug he could find. He blew on the hot liquid and took a gulp, smiling as it warmed his gullet all the way down.

Jess looked over and gave him a slightly milky grin.

"Hey, Nick."

"Mornin' Jess," he replied, returning her smile.

"Are you gonna bring your stuff back up today?" She had a strange look in her eyes that Nick couldn't quite place.

"Yeah, Jess, I just want to get it all back to normal as quickly as possible."

"Do you need help? I'm free all day."

"I'd really appreciate that, Jess, but only if you've got the time to spare." She still had that strange look. It had spread to the rest of her face now.

"Sure, Nick," she said. "Not a problem at all."

"Where are the guys?"

"They went out for the day," Jess told him, leaning closer and narrowing her eyes. "I think they didn't want to help with bringing your stuff back, but that's an unsubstantiated rumor at this point." Nick chuckled at the conspiratorial tone in her voice.

"You're probably right," Nick said, leaning in even closer and matching her tone. "I think I'd prefer not to have to listen to Schmidt's griping all day anyway." Nick looked into her eyes and saw the strange look intensify.

Jess could feel his breath on her skin and had to use every iota of her self control to not look down at his naked flesh with beads of water sparkling attractively on it. She was trying desperately to not let the attraction she felt reach her face.

She wasn't entirely sure where it had come from, but she had been noticing him more and more recently. Most of the time, he was just scruffy Nick who was her friend. But on the occasions where he did something unexpected, like come into the kitchen wearing nothing but a towel, she couldn't help but get butterflies in her stomach.

Deciding not to get in her own head, Jess made sure she looked him in the eyes.

Nick saw the strange look disappear and raised his eyebrow slightly.

"Jess, are ya ok? You're looking at me kinda intensely."

Jess's eyes widened and she jumped a little. "I'm fine, just eager to get the show on the road."

Nick shook his head, wondering, as he always seemed to, what was going on in Jess's brain. "Ok, I'll go get dressed and we can get to the manual labor portion of the day."

As Nick walked away, Jess let herself appreciate his form. His muscular back, covered in beads of water, made her mind flash with images of her nails digging into his flesh. She licked her lips as a fleeting image of ripping off his towel and running her hands through his hair flowed unbidden through her brain.

"Come on Jess," she murmured to herself as his door closed. "He's your roommate!"

Nick got dressed quickly. He only had a few of his things in his room, so it didn't take long. He pictured the look on Jess's face and tried to figure it out for a moment as he buttoned his shirt. He furrowed his brow and frowned, shaking his head and giving up as he returned to Jess in the kitchen.

They spent the morning bringing boxes up from the van. They worked well together, keeping the atmosphere light with joking banter; they didn't need to voice what they needed from each other, it just happened effortlessly.

Once all the boxes were upstairs and only the heavy, awkward items remained inside the van they decided to break for lunch. Nick offered to take Jess to a sandwich shop, but she insisted that she'd make him something. Nick agreed without too much protest - she was a fantastic cook.

Jess quickly made some rather excellent grilled cheese sandwiches. They sat down on the couch wearily and tore into the sandwiches, not quite realizing how hungry they were. They sat back after they had finished, smiling and sated.

"I'm not sure we're gonna be able to get the rest until the guys get home," Jess said, a little sadly. She had wanted to help Nick to restore normality as quickly as possible.

"Yeah," Nick agreed. "As strong and manly as I am, I don't think we can get a bed up the stairs with just the two of us."

"We can just start unpacking the boxes for now," Jess said, getting up and heading towards Nick's bedroom.

Nick smiled at her back, appreciating how infectious her enthusiasm was, as well as how she always seemed to be able to help him. He grabbed a couple of bottles of cold soda and headed to his room, handing one bottle to Jess before sitting on the floor next to her.

"Thanks for helping, Jess," he said quietly, not looking at her. "And thanks for being normal with me, despite me being such a damn mess."

Jess's heart melted. "No problem, Ni-"

She was interrupted by the loudest boom she had ever heard. Nick and Jess's eyes locked, their faces wearing identical looks of fear and shock. There was another boom, so loud that they could feel it through their chests, bringing dust down from the ceiling in its wake.

There was a third and final boom, which shook the room around them. Suddenly, the world had gone into slow motion as Nick saw the ceiling begin to cave in over where Jess was sitting. He leaped to his feet with inhuman quickness and ran over, pushing her out of the way of the falling debris. Jess went flying across the room, skidding to a halt in front of his cupboard door.

"NICK!" Jess screamed, wild eyed with pure panic as she saw rubble and furniture from the roof pile down on top of him. "NO!"


	2. Chapter 2

As the dust cleared, Jess found herself standing in front of the pile of rubble. Tears streamed down her face. Her mind wasn't quite functioning yet. It had shut down when the ceiling had fallen. Her hands moved mindlessly, tracing patterns of sheer panic in the air.

"Come on Jess," she said out loud. "You can panic and cry later. Right now, Nick needs you to hold your shit together."

Her pep talk was the slap in the face she needed. She dried her cheeks with her hands and moved to the door. She needed to get help to get Nick out. She grabbed the handle and opened the door. Her heart hit her boots as she saw that the doorway was completely obstructed.

She didn't have her phone with her. It was in her purse in the kitchen. She gave a scream of frustration as panic rose in her chest. She could feel a wave of nausea hit her.

"Talk to me, Nick," she shouted. "Tell me you're ok."

She listened. Nothing.

She ripped at the bricks and rubble in the pile on top of her friend. She threw them across the room, desperate to get to him and make sure he was ok. She couldn't think about him not being ok. The hollow feeling in her chest intensified.

As she pulled piece after piece of rubble away, she started to sing a panicked little song to Nick. She hoped that he could hear her. She needed him to hear her. She felt a bit ridiculous, singing in this crazy situation, but she just wanted him to hear her as soon as he could.

The pile of rubble was absolutely immense and as Jess frantically pulled at it, it didn't seem to be getting any smaller. Sweat poured down her face and back. She was holding herself on the precipice of losing it completely, only because she needed to get to Nick.

To see him. To make sure he was ok. He was ok. He had to be.

"Come on, Nick," she said as loudly as she could. "I need you, damnit. I need you to be ok."

Jess froze suddenly. She thought she had heard something from the pile. She didn't know if it was her mind playing tricks on her.

"Nick, is that you?"

She strained her ears and was rewarded with a groan.

"NICK!" she screamed, happy tears coursing down her face.

"Jess," came the muffled reply. "My head hurts."

"You've got a pile of bricks on you, Nick," Jess shouted. "I'm getting you out as quick as I can. Are you ok?"

Nick shifted around, not wanting to move his head because it was pounding mercilessly, but needing to get himself some space to breathe. He could feel an incredible amount of pressure on him all over. He could feel panic robbing him of the little bit of air that he had.

"Nick?" Jess's voice had an edge of panic to it.

"I'm ok, Jess," Nick replied. "It's real heavy on me and I can't breathe."

Jess snapped back into action, moving piece after piece of heavy masonry. Nick heard the movement and knew that Jess would get to him soon. Of all the people to be in this crazy situation, Nick was glad that it was her. She'd never give up on him, he realized.

After several long minutes, which could have been hours, Nick saw a crack of light.

"Jess!" he cried, relief washing over him. "You're nearly here, I can see light."

His voice was louder, so she knew what he had said was true. She was sweating and on the brink of exhaustion and couldn't reply. She just focussed on carrying on.

As every piece was removed, more light hit Nick's face. He squinted up into it, looking forward to seeing her and to having a bit more air than he currently did. His head still throbbed mercilessly, but he ignored it, just focussing on the light.

He heard Jess grunt as some of the pressure across his top half released. She shakily moved a giant piece of roofing from him and threw it on the floor.

One of Nick's arms was free and so was his head and chest. He took a deep breath, drinking in the glorious fresh air. Jess stepped into view. Her exhausted face and wild eyes broke into a smile upon seeing him. She looked about ready to drop.

"Jess," he breathed. "Are you ok?"

She laughed softly and touched his face tenderly. "I am now. Are you ok?"

"I still feel a bit sore and squashed, but at least I can breathe now."

Jess stroked his hair, brushing the dust out of it. She leaned down and kissed him on the forehead. "I'm glad you're ok," she murmured.

"You need to take a break, Jess," Nick told her firmly. "You look absolutely exhausted."

"I need to get you out, Nick," she told him, eyes blazing with fierce determination. "I'll rest when you're free. I'll rest in your arms."

Nick's heart pounded. There was so much affection in her voice. Affection for _him_, he realized.

"I'd like that," he said in a ragged whisper. "If you free my other arm, I can sit up and help get my legs out."

Jess didn't waste any of her dwindling reserves of energy on responding. She just walked tiredly over to his other side and started to move the last of the pieces of rubble that pinned him down. Half a dozen huge pieces of brickwork later, she could see his fingers. He sat up quickly, then fell back down. Jess gave a squeak of concern.

"Damnit," he growled. "I think I hit my head harder than I realized."

Jess felt a wave of nausea crash over her again. "A-are you ok?"

"I think so," he said, his heart fluttering at the concern in her eyes. "Maybe I just sat up too quick."

He tried again, more slowly this time. Dizziness took over him and he fell back down.

"Shit," he said angrily.

"I need to get you out of there," Jess said, the determination back in her eyes. "Where's your cellphone?"

Nick allowed himself to admire her determination for a moment, before he frowned in concentration. "It's... shit, Jess, it's in the truck. I'm so sorry."

"It doesn't matter, Nick," she said firmly. "I just need to get you out of there and make sure you're ok."

She started pulling rubble off him again with renewed energy.

"Jess, wait," said Nick. "You should at least have a drink. There's a soda over by the wall. It must have rolled over there when I..."

"When you saved me," Jess finished matter-of-factly, walking over to the bottle of soda. "I'll split it with you."

As she drank thirstily, she allowed herself to analyze what had happened. He had leaped across the room and thrown her out of the path of potentially fatal rubble. He was injured because of her. He had saved her. She gulped the last mouthful of cold-ish soda from her half of the bottle and handed it over to him. He accepted it gratefully and drank, a little awkwardly on account of having to stay prostrate on the floor.

Jess got back to moving the masonry. She had managed to release him down to his knees in the next several minutes. With the finish line in site, she quickly raked at the bricks with her hands until she found his feet. With absolute relief she moved the last brick.

"You're free," she panted breathlessly.

Nick's head was swirling sickeningly, but he didn't want to tell Jess. She was on the verge of collapse and he didn't want to worry her. She knelt behind him and pulled his top half on to her knees. She examined his head for damage and, seeing nothing obvious, she awkwardly dragged him away from the pile of rubble and propped him up against the only free wall in the room. She looked him in the eye and saw that they were a bit unfocussed.

"Seriously, Nick," she said, eyes dancing with concern and adrenaline. "Are you ok?"

"My head is pounding and I'm dizzy," he confessed. "Honestly, I feel like I could pass out."

Her eyes looked back at where she had moved him from. He saw her back muscles tense. He followed her gaze and saw a puddle of blood that dragged towards where he now sat.

"Whose blood is that?" he asked stupidly. Denial led to powerful idiocy, he thought.

"Yours, Nick," Jess said softly and calmly. "Can you tell me where it's coming from, sweetheart."

Nick shook his head dumbly. Jess gently looked him over, patting him gently with her hands. She felt across the back of his head, down his shoulders, across his back and down to his butt. She patted down the front of his shirt and then went to his ribcage and along to his waist. Her hand felt warm and sticky as she got to the waistband of his jeans.

"I need to take these off, Nick," Jess told him in the same calm voice. She began to unbutton his jeans.

"You haven't even bought me a drink," he said nervously, in a ragged whisper.

"I've imagined this quite a few times," she told him with a gentle smile. "Not quite like this though."

Nick's head was swirling too much to process what she had said, but he knew it was important and filed it away to analyze later. He moved his hips a little to allow Jess to pull his jeans off him.

Jess let out a short hiss as she pulled his jeans off. There was a deep gash down the front of his leg, from just above his hip all the way down to his knee. She picked up the discarded garment and saw a line cut in them. It was long and smooth and had obviously been done by something very sharp. The dark material had obscured the amount of blood that had seeped out.

Nick looked down and saw the skin of his thigh gaping and pumping out thick, dark blood. The skin around it was dark and angry. He felt a tear slip down his cheek, feeling helpless.

Jess wiped the tear away and kissed him on the cheek.

"We'll get you bandaged up, Nick," she told him firmly. "That will make you feel better, I promise. Your head hurts because you were covered in rubble and you lost a lot of blood. We're going to stop that until help comes. I'm here, don't worry."

Inside, Jess was panicking. He really was in a bad way. She needed to get the bleeding taken care of quickly to make sure the unthinkable didn't happen. She got up and ripped through all the boxes of Nick's things. She found some towels and duct tape quickly and went back to him.

She rolled the towels up and put them on the wound. She started taping him up from the bottom, pulling it so tightly that Nick grunted in pain.

"I know it hurts, Nick, I'm so sorry," she said as she continued.

She got to the top of his thigh as quickly as she could. For the final part of the injury, which was at the top of his leg and up to his hipbone, she fashioned a triangle of towel and taped it to his skin. It would hurt when they pulled it off, but she needed to stop the bleeding.

Jess looked back up at Nick's face. It was pale and drawn. She located the second bottle of soda and gave it to Nick, who sipped at it gingerly.

"My head is so swirly," Nick slurred. "I'm going to go to sleep."

"You can't go to sleep, Nick," Jess said softly, squeezing in close to his uninjured side. "If you have a concussion, that's the worst thing you can do. You just need to stay awake until help gets here."

"M'not sure I can," he told her drowsily. "It's all gone black around the edges."

A bubble of panic rose in Jess's chest. She had to keep him talking.

"You don't need to see the edges," she said firmly. "You just need to stay awake. Let's talk about something. How did you meet Schmidt?"

Nick focussed on the sound of her voice, trying to keep himself from surrendering to the tiredness that was threatening to take him over. "He just showed up one day in college," he murmured.

"I'm glad I moved in here, Nick," Jess told him, changing tack a little as questioning him about his friend didn't seem to be engaging him.

"Me too, Jess," Nick said with a smile shadowing his lips. "You make it pretty in here."

Jess gave a short chuckle. "Nah, Schmidt makes it pretty in here."

"That's not what I meant, Jess," Nick muttered.

"And just what did you mean, Nick?"

"I mean that you're pretty and I like looking at you." Nick closed his eyes and smiled.

"Then look at me," Jess said. "Look at me and don't let go."

Nick opened his eyes slowly and a little unevenly. He moved his head a little and looked at her. She smiled at him.

"I like looking at you too," she told him quietly.

"You were looking at me weird this morning," he slurred. She could tell he wasn't entirely in control of what he was saying. He was saying anything that came into his head. Still, at least he was awake and talking.

"When?" she asked, casting her mind back to that morning which seemed like a lifetime ago.

"When you were in the kitchen eating your breakfast. You had this weird look on your face. I couldn't work it out."

Jess's mouth opened in a surprised O. Perhaps he had a little more control over what he was saying than she realized.

"Oh," she said. "Do you want to know the truth, Nick?"

"Mmmhm," he said, smiling crookedly. "I was trying to work it out all morning."

She took a deep breath. "I was trying desperately not to look at your chest and think about pulling your towel off." Her heart was pounding. Despite the seriousness of the situation, she had the compulsion to tell him how she feels.

"Why would you want to do that?" Nick said, his eyes hazily fixed on her face.

Jess blushed. "You know why, Nick."

"No I don't," he replied, his eyebrows coming together in confusion.

"Come on, Nick," she said with a soft smile. "You know I'm attracted to you."

"You're attracted to me?" he asked, genuine surprise on his features. "You've got it the wrong way round, Jess. I know I'm attracted to you."

"That's just the blood loss talking, Nick."

"No, it's not," he slurred sleepily. "I've had the hots for you since the day you walked in here. I could barely say anything when we were interviewing you for the room."

Jess sat in stunned silence. She didn't know what to think about what he'd just told her.

"But, please don't tell Jess," Nick murmured. "She wants me to just be her friend."

"I have it on good authority that she wants more than that," Jess said quickly. "Much more."

"She deserves better than me," Nick said, slurring more than ever. "She's the best."

"You can't do better than perfect," Jess murmured to him, hoping desperately that this crazy situation was going to work out ok so she could tell him this again. "Nick, you're perfect for Jess."

Nick's face split into a beaming smile. "Make sure you tell her that."

"You can tell her I said that if you stay awake," Jess said. She could see his condition was going downhill.

She looked around the room, casting her eyes about for something but she wasn't sure what. Her eyes settled on the large windows. The panes of glass were mostly intact, but she felt sure she could get up to them, open them and shout for help.

"Come on, talk to me, Nick," Jess said, getting up to go to the window. "I'm going to see if I can get anyone to come help us, but I need for you to keep talking to me."

"What shall I talk about?" Nick said unsteadily. She could see he was losing his grip on reality a little.

"Anything, Nick. Uhhhm, tell me about your friends."

"My best friend is Jess," he said with a giggle. "She's so pretty. I wish I was her boyfriend."

Jess hesitated before getting up on the ledge to get to the window. She couldn't believe he was saying this right now.

"She sings, she bakes, she watches Dirty Dancing when she's sad, she cares a lot, she loves a lot, I like seeing her every day."

Jess smiled a little sadly. He didn't even know that she was there. She cut her hand on a bit of glass, but just wiped the blood on her jeans and opened the window. She took a deep breath and screamed for help.

"She makes me a better person," Nick finished. "You sound like Jess. You're nice too."

Jess got down from the window. She hadn't seen anyone or got a response. She didn't know what to do. She wanted to break down and cry. She felt trapped and desperate. She didn't want Nick to get any worse, but she couldn't get him to a hospital.

Her eyes fell on Nick's laptop, nestling in the top of one of the boxes. She opened it so quickly she felt sure the hinges would pop. As it booted up, she prayed that the wifi was still working. This could be their lifeline.

As the screen came to life, Jess murmured to herself.

"Come on, please work. Please work."


	3. Chapter 3

She waited for the wifi to connect, the computer seeming painfully slow. In the bottom corner of the screen, a symbol flashed and a bubble popped up above it that indicated that she was now connected to the network. She could feel excitement bubbling up in her chest as she released a breath she didn't know she had been holding.

Firing up the email program, she opened a new message, completely ignoring all the emails flooding into Nick's inbox. That was far too normal for the crazy situation she was in. She addressed the message to CeCe, Schmidt and Winston, hoping desperately that they had their phones on them and would check their email.

'_Hi guys, Nick and I are in the loft. There was some kind of explosion and Nick's hurt. We're trapped in here. The roof caved in. Please send help. Jess.'_

There was a swooshing noise as the message sent. She looked up and, with relief, noticed that the battery was showing 98%. Finally something was going her way. She took it as a good omen that the her friends would read her email.

She took the laptop and headed back to Nick, who was looking more and more confused as time went by. He was only just clinging on to his consciousness and she knew he didn't have much more time.

She told Nick what she had done and his eyes became a little more focussed. She started to talk to him quietly. She went on to the internet and started looking for a way to contact the police without a telephone.

"I don't know if I'll get anyone, but I'm trying for you, Nick. You have to be ok. Just hold on a little longer, please. I need you to be ok."

Nick groaned and knuckled his forehead. "M'so tired," he murmured.

"I know, Nick, I know. Just focus on my voice. Someone will be here soon, I promise. You have to be ok, Nick. I need you in my life. Your friendship has meant so much to me in the year that we've known each other. You are the one person I look forward to seeing every day, even though you drive me nuts sometimes. Just hold on a little longer."

"Tell Jess I love her," Nick muttered so softly that Jess could barely hear him. With that, he lost consciousness.

Tears rolled down her cheeks. "No, no, no, no. Wake up, Nick. Please wake up."

The laptop pinged. She looked at the screen, but she couldn't see anything because her eyes were blurred with tears. She wiped them out of her eyes roughly. There was a reply to her email. It was Schmidt. She opened it quickly.

"_Oh my god, Jess, we were so worried. The gas main exploded and the whole block is closed. I've called an ambulance. They told me that a helicopter will be there soon to pick Nick up. Are you ok?"_

_"I'm so glad you got my message, Schmidt. Thank you so much. I'm ok. Nick's just passed out and I don't know how long he has. I'm scared."_

_"Hold tight, Jess. I'm calling them again from Winston's phone. The three of us are together. We'll meet you both at the hospital. Nick will be fine."_

_"Thanks Schmidt. I can't imagine losing him. I love him."_

_"I know, Jess. I love him too. Helicopter ETA 3 mins. See you soon. Be brave."_

Jess shut the laptop and put it safely in the box. Tears poured silently down her cheeks as she looked up at the sky for the helicopter. After a minute or so, she heard it in the distance. Her heart surged.

She saw it coming close. The noise was intense. The fast moving wind from the blades stole the air from her lungs. Someone was being lowered into their apartment.

She gave silent thanks to Schmidt. She knew he would have given the most accurate location possible to the paramedics. The stranger disengaged himself from his rope and waved a greeting to Jess with a nod. He knelt down and looked at Nick. He got up and walked back to where he'd left the rope a few moments before and took the board that was now in its place. He put it under Nick and motioned for Jess to come over.

Between the two of them, they manoeuvred Nick on the board across to the rope, which the paramedic secured in place on the board. Jess watched as Nick was winched up to the helicopter and the rope came back down. The paramedic guided her over to the rope and fastened them both to it. They were winched up into the helicopter.

The next minutes were a complete blur to Jess. Her emotions overwhelmed her and she just sat in the corner of the helicopter loading area with her knees hunched up to her chest. She cried while she watched three paramedics working on Nick. Their faces looked grim and she felt so alone and so afraid.

The helicopter landed on top of the hospital with a dull thump. Nick was unloaded on to a gurney quickly. Jess managed to pull herself together long enough to follow the team of paramedics and Nick down into the body of the hospital. She was left in the waiting room while they took Nick away to be looked after.

Jess found a seat in the corner and balled herself up again. She put her head down on her legs and surrendered to her exhaustion, falling asleep instantly. It was a dark, lonely and sad sleep, but it was all she had at that point.

The next thing that Jess knew, she was being shaken awake. She blearily looked up and saw Schmidt's face, pale and drawn with concern. She realized that her cheeks were wet and that she had been crying in her sleep.

"Are you ok, Jess?" Schmidt asked softly.

"Exhausted, worried, but physically ok," she replied wearily. "Any news on Nick?"

"He's in the ICU. They say he's critical, but stable, whatever that means."

"Can I see him?"

"Not just yet, but they said in a couple of hours if he's improving we can go in one at a time."

She looked disappointed that she couldn't see him, but felt a surge of hope at the word 'stable'. "What time is it, Schmidt?"

"A little after 8pm. You were asleep for about an hour, but I wanted to wake you up because you were crying so much I thought you'd be dehydrated if I didn't."

"Thanks Schmidt. Thank you for getting the helicopter to come."

"You're kidding, right, Jess?" He said, looking at her sideways. "I should be thanking you for saving Nick's life."

Jess looked at him, stunned. "Saving Nick's life?"

"Yeah," Schmidt said, looking at her intensely. "The paramedics said you dug him out of the rubble with your bare hands, then you made bandages up to stop him bleeding. They said without you, Nick would have died. Trapped and alone." Schmidt took a deep, shuddering breath.

Jess swallowed. The day's events crashed over her and she sobbed uncontrollably on Schmidt's shoulder. At some point, CeCe and Winston entered the waiting room and joined in a hug with Jess and Schmidt. They stayed that way until Jess's cries had subsided into sniffling hiccups.

CeCe handed over a bottle of water to Jess, who gulped it down quickly. Winston handed her a donut, which she picked apart with her fingers before wolfing it down. She felt a little better.

They sat in silence with matching looks of worry on their faces. They waited, not noticing time passing.

"Jessica Day?" an official-looking nurse called out, looking around.

Jess sprang to her feet and walked over. Her friends watched and listened.

"Ms Day, the gentleman you came in with has made a good improvement. Would you like to go in and see him for a few moments?"

Jess heard the trio behind her breathe a sigh of relief and murmur happy things to each other.

"Yes please," Jess said quietly. She felt nervous, but didn't know why.

The nurse led her to a room a little way down the corridor. It was small, white and very clean. Her eyes flew to Nick, who looked tiny and pale in the bed surrounded by machines, wires and IVs. She rushed over to him and grabbed his hand.

"Is he going to be ok?" Jess asked the nurse.

"He is," the nurse said with a gentle smile. "He's almost out of the woods. You did a great job taking care of him. He has a bad concussion and low blood pressure from losing a lot of blood. He scared us for a little while, but he's responding really well."

Jess smiled with relief. She stroked Nick's cheek tenderly.

"Is he your boyfriend?" the nurse asked, looking a little confused. "The paramedics said you told them he was your roommate."

"He's my roommate," Jess said quietly. "But I'm so incredibly in love with him. I didn't realize it until everything that happened today. Wow, I can't believe I unloaded that on you." She looked over at the nurse, her face full of apology.

"It's ok, sometimes intense situations help you see the truth," the nurse told her sagely. "Besides, what a story to tell your grandkids, eh?"

Jess gave a watery smile to the nurse and turned back to Nick. She stroked his cheek lovingly.

"Only a few minutes," the nurse told her quietly. "Strictly speaking you're not supposed to be in here, but I couldn't bear to see you suffer out there."

Jess just stood with him for the few minutes that she could, taking in the sight of him and feeling the relief wash over her knowing that he would be ok. She didn't know how much of their conversation he would remember, but she vowed that she would be honest with him about how she felt and hope against hope that he felt how he had said earlier that day.

She thanked the nurse with a huge hug as she left the room and returned to the waiting room. They decided to go for something to eat in the cafeteria before heading to crash at CeCe's. They didn't even think about going to the hotel that was being provided for them by the emergency services on account of their home being destroyed. They wanted somewhere familiar and CeCe hadn't hesitated to welcome them into her home.

After they had eaten, Jess grabbed a coffee in a 'to-go' cup.

"I'm going to stay here, guys," she said quietly. "I want to be here when he wakes up."

They all protested, telling her how much she'd gone through and how tired she was. She just stuck stubbornly to her agenda.

"I can push away dealing with what happened until Nick's ok," Jess said, her eyes set firm with determination. "I just need to be here."

"Look, Jess," CeCe said calmly. "I understand. I just need you to understand that we care and want what's best for you."

"If you could leave me a cellphone, then we can get each other if we need to," she said imploringly. "I'm not leaving him."

CeCe handed over her phone wordlessly. They all took turns to hug Jess before they left, wishing her well and making sure that they insisted on regular updates. They hated leaving her, but they suspected that the hospital would take better care of her if she were on her own.

Jess roamed the hospital for a little while, stopping off in the gift shop to buy a book with some cash Schmidt had slipped her on his way out. She was purposely not thinking about anything and focussed instead on getting herself enough supplies to set up station in the waiting room for however long it took. She got some snacks and drinks and headed back up.

The nurse from earlier in the evening saw her come back.

"Ms Day?" she said, getting up and following Jess.

"I didn't catch your name," Jess said. "And please call me Jess."

"OK, Jess," the nurse replied with a smile. "I'm Carol. We're not supposed to do this, but you've had a heck of a day. Can I take you out back for a shower and a change of clothes?"

"Oh my gosh," Jess said, her eyes lighting up. "That would be amazing! I bet I look terrible!"

"You look just fine," Carol replied with a smile. "But you're dirty and dusty and you're starting to get a little ripe."

Jess looked down at her clothes and laughed. The nurse was being very polite about how she looked. She could see how dirty and grimy she was.

"It has been quite a day," Jess agreed with a smile.

"My shift has just ended, so I'll come make sure you're ok," Carol said kindly.

She showed her to the showers and went off to get some clothes for Jess. Jess took her filthy clothes off and got into the shower cubicle, turning the water on and enjoying the warmth of it as it soothed her aching muscles. She ducked her head under the stream and gasped as she saw actual dirt flowing down the drain with the water.

Carol had given her toiletries to use, so she lathered her body up and rinsed. She turned her attention to her hair, shampooing it three times to clean it. She conditioned and rinsed, stepping out of the shower and into the changing room. She toweled herself dry and sat down for a minute or two, waiting for Carol to return with some clean clothes.

The nurse arrived with a grin a couple of minutes after.

"I managed to find a couple of things I think will fit you," Carol told Jess, brandishing a bundle of clothes. "I got underwear from the gift shop and borrowed the rest from the other nurses. You'll have to go bra-less until tomorrow. I'll take yours home and wash it for you, but I'm not on until late afternoon."

"Thank you so much," Jess said sincerely. "I feel almost human again!"

They made small talk for the few minutes it took Jess to slip on the basic white cotton panties, followed by a pair of red yoga pants and a baggy black t-shirt. She shrugged on a hoodie and grinned at Carol.

"One more thing," Carol said. "I've arranged with the duty nurse for you to sleep in the nurse's rest station. She'll come get you whenever Mr Miller wakes up. She's a woman of her word."

"I can't tell you how grateful I am," Jess said, her eyes filling with tears. She gave Carol another hug before she took her to the rest station.

Jess sat on the bottom bunk of the metal bunk beds. She ran her hand over her face and pulled her still wet hair into a bunch on the front of her shoulder to prevent the pillow from getting too damp. She read about three sentences of her book before falling soundly asleep.

She slept soundly all night, her day's exertions catching up with her rather spectacularly. Other nurses came and went, grabbing rest in the top bunk briefly, all smiling at the sleeping woman.

They had all exchanged the story of the two that had been brought in earlier that night and had talked about how this tiny woman had saved his life by digging him out of a huge pile of broken masonry. The paramedic that had airlifted them had told them exactly how big it was. The area had been shut down after a gas pipe had exploded and they had thought everyone had died in that building. The fire department had searched it and couldn't even get to the utterly destroyed fourth floor as it was just a pile of rubble.

Morning broke and Jess woke up from a very heavy sleep. She took a moment to place her surroundings, before she got up and walked stiffly back out to the waiting room.

"Good morning," said a male nurse. "Jess, is it?"

"Good morning," she replied croakily. "Jess it is!"

"I'm Toby," he told her with a friendly smile. "I got you a toothbrush, toothpaste and some shoes to wear that aren't filthy." He handed them over with a grin. "Nice outfit by the way. My shirt's a bit big for you."

"Thank you, Toby," Jess said, chuckling. "I really appreciate everything you've all done for me. How's Nick doing, by the way?"

"He's doing well," Toby grinned. "His blood pressure's getting back to normal, his wound has been stitched and bandaged. I can't see any reason why he won't wake up soon."

"Thanks Toby," Jess said sincerely. "Can I go get washed up, then go see Nick?"

"Sure. The bathroom is just down the hall and you can just go into Nick's room if you remember where it is."

"I sure do," Jess said brightly. She thanked Toby again and made her way to the bathroom, gulping down the last of her drink as she walked.

Looking in the mirror, she saw a rather rumpled, tired looking version of herself. She splashed water on her face from the sink and dried it with paper towels. She massaged the black rings under her eyes with her fingers and set to work crudely combing her hair with her hands. She gave a nod of approval, looking at the slightly improved reflection in the mirror.

She quickly brushed her teeth and then used the toilet. She washed her hands, dried them, then put the toothbrush in her carrier bag with her book. She slipped on her new shoes from Toby and threw her old ones into the trash can along with her empty drink bottle.

Jess left the bathroom and ducked into Nick's room. She pulled the chair in the corner to a space by the bed and sat next to him. She grabbed her book out of her bag and settled down, taking his hand gently in hers and holding it as she read.


	4. Chapter 4

After six chapters, Jess heard a soft moan from the bed. She threw her book to the floor and jumped to her feet, looking straight at Nick's face. His eyelids fluttered as if he was fighting to open them.

Nick felt like he was swimming in cotton wool. He could hear muffled sounds, but couldn't work out what they were. All he knew was that he hurt everywhere. Maybe he had been in a fight at the bar and had a really terrible hangover. He didn't think that was it, but he couldn't manage to get his brain to form any particularly coherent thoughts.

He worked out that the sound was a voice. He concentrated on it fiercely and it became a tiny bit clearer. It was Jess's voice, calling to him to wake up. He swam towards it, stretching his arms out and kicking fiercely against the fuzz that held him. He desperately wanted to see her.

"Nick," Jess whispered. "It's time to wake up."

Nick's eyelids fought on for a few moments until they finally opened. His brown eyes looked glassy as they searched for her, landing on her face and brightening. She smiled at him and raised her hand to his face, cupping his cheek gently.

"Good morning, sleepy head," Jess said softly.

"Jess," Nick said in a hoarse whisper. "Where am I? What happened?"

"You're at the hospital. There was an explosion and you got hurt." Her eyes roamed across his face. "You don't remember any of it?" she asked, feeling slightly disappointed.

"No, I don't think so," he said, coughing. She quickly poured him a cup of water and held his head up gently and helped him to sip at it.

"I do remember having a lovely dream," he continued after a moment. "You were there, hugging me and telling me that everything would be ok. You went to a window, but came right back with a laptop of all things."

"Is that all that happened," Jess asked, her voice low and ragged.

"I dreamed that you told me I was hot," he said with a coughing laugh. "And that you wanted to rip my towel off. What a crazy dream!"

"Was it really a dream?" she asked, so softly he wondered if he'd actually heard it.

"What aren't you telling me, Jess," he asked, feeling suddenly tired. He hoped he hadn't done anything nuts to ruin their friendship.

Jess told him everything that had happened from the first boom right up until he had woken up in excruciating detail. She looked at his hand in hers the whole time she spoke. When she came to the part about what they had each said that they felt for each other, she heard him gasp. She wasn't sure what that meant, good or bad, but carried on to the end of the tale before her courage failed her.

"You saved my life, Jess," Nick said roughly. "You pulled me out of there and got me here. I would have been killed if you weren't there to save me."

"That's the wrong way round, Nick," Jess said quietly. "You pushed me out of the way of the rubble and saved my life. You hurt yourself in the process. I damn near killed you." Tears ran down her face. She felt so guilty.

"Jess, you still saved my life," he said steadily. "You could have given up on me at any point, but you wouldn't give up on me."

"I meant it, you know," she murmured. "I do love you."

Nick's heart surged in his chest. He felt completely breathless and all the heat had fallen out of his body everywhere apart from the hand that she still held. He squeezed her hand.

"I love you too, Jess," Nick told her. "Since the day I met you."

"You said that yesterday, you clown," Jess said, smiling through her tears.

"Bored of it already?"

"Never," she said, grinning. "Tell me it every day for the rest of my life if you like."

"Consider it done," he said firmly. "I wish I could kiss you, but I can't sit up just yet."

Jess laughed, feeling her heart pound so hard in her chest that she was sure it was audible. So much had happened in the last 48 hours with Nick moving out with Caroline, then coming back to the loft, then the accident, all the feelings that they'd both had finally coming out, then him being on death's door. It was an awful lot to process.

She knew she could do it with Nick by her side, though, and she grinned.

"I need to go let CeCe, Schmidt and Winston know that you're awake," she said brightly. "They were really worried about you."

Nick settled back into his pillows, digesting everything Jess had just told him. He couldn't believe, after all this time, that she had been as crazy about him as he had been about her. He'd spent so long squashing his feelings that it felt surreal for it to be suddenly out in the open.

He smiled as she left the room and heard her updating someone called Toby before going out of earshot. A male nurse, Toby he presumed, arrived and talked to him for a few minutes, telling him about his medical progress and taking a few readings from the machines down in the chart at the end of Nick's bed.

"She wouldn't leave you last night," Toby said before he left the room. "Her friends wanted to take her home, but she just plain wouldn't leave you. She was an absolute mess, covered in grime and dirt, utterly distraught."

Nick looked guilty for a moment.

"Hey, man," Toby said with a grin. "I'm not telling you to make you feel bad. You need to know how much that woman cares about you. She's pretty dedicated to you, you know?"

"I'm starting to," Nick said with a self conscious smile.

Nick was released from hospital that evening. Carol had given Jess some instructions on how to take care of Nick's injury. They had recommended bed rest and regular dressing changes for him.

They took a cab together to a local hotel, borrowing a wheelchair to get Nick around. They checked in and went up to a huge bedroom. Jess got Nick positioned comfortably on the bed and made him a coffee and herself a tea. She gave him the small cup and stood next to the bed awkwardly.

"Hey, Jess," Nick said, a hint of nervousness betraying him in his voice. "Could you come sit next to me please? I miss having you close."

Jess set her tea down on the opposite side of the bed and hopped up next to him. He put his arm around her and she cuddled into him. He stretched over and grabbed the remote to put the TV on.

"Wait," Jess said, putting her hand over the remote. "Can we just, uh, talk for a sec?"

"Of course," he told her, a little concerned.

"I just wanted to ask you what _we_ are now," she said quickly, the words tumbling out. "I mean, we both have said so much to each other about how we feel and stuff, but we haven't said where we want it to lead. I mean, I want you as a friend. You're my best friend. That's important to me. But I also want so much more from you."

She was studiously looking down. She didn't know how she would cope if he turned her down.

"I told you, Jess," Nick said firmly and sincerely. "I love you, with all my heart. Whatever you want from me, I'll happily give to you. If the accident taught me anything, it's that you can't mess around because life is short and fragile. I've squashed down how I feel for too long and I just want to feel it now and love you like you deserve."

Jess looked up into his eyes. She had never heard him speak to frankly about his feelings. It put a lump in her throat so big that she couldn't speak to him, so she just smiled at him broadly.

"I always thought I didn't deserve you, Jess," Nick continued. "But when I was laying there, thinking I was dreaming, with you doing everything physically possible to save my life, I realized that I had it all wrong. It's not what I deserve. It's about what _you_ want and if I'm lucky enough for you to want me, I'm going to thank my lucky stars, grab you with both hands and be the best damn man I can be for ya."

"Jeez, Nick," Jess said quietly with tears in her eyes. "A simple 'me too' would have been fine."

Nick laughed, feeling his eyes sting warmly with tears. "We're both idiots, huh."

"Yeah. But at least we're lucky idiots, I guess."

"Lucky?"

"Yeah! We're the only people in the building who lived, apart from Remy. He was pretty safe in the basement."

"Damn..." Nick trailed off. "We are lucky!"

They talked, cried, talked some more, hugged and then ultimately fell asleep in each others' arms. They hadn't even kissed yet, wanting to save it for when Nick was a bit better. He was still recovering and got tired really easily. He was absolutely insistent that he wanted to kiss her when he could do it right. They had waited long enough, they agreed, so a few more days wouldn't hurt.


	5. Chapter 5

By the morning, when they woke in each others' arms, they had started to come to terms with what had happened to them. They were both a little different because of it as well as being a lot closer. It was a surreal life they were leading at that moment in time, completely different to their usual day to day.

Schmidt had taken charge of liaising with the authorities about their house. He'd spoken to the insurance company and started the process of replacing their belongings. The gas company were footing the bill for Nick's hospital visit, the hotel and any repairs to the loft. If it was salvageable.

Schmidt updated Nick and Jess daily. This was the fourth update since Nick's release from hospital and he bounced on their bed in a combination of nerves and excitement.

"They're letting us in to see the damage to the apartment today," Schmidt said. He didn't know how his two friends would feel about going back, but he was desperate to see if his suits were salvageable.

"What?" Jess demanded, eyes widening. "Is that safe?"

"They told me that our floor has been inspected. It's sound enough to go in, so long as we wear hard hats. There isn't much left, apparently, but whatever is won't fall on our heads."

"I'm not going," Nick said flatly. "I know what my room looks like already, remember."

"Fair enough, Nick," Schmidt said evenly. "I totally understand. Jess?"

"I don't know, Schmidt," she said, feeling her heart start to pound in her throat. "I-I'm not sure I can go back."

Nick rubbed her back soothingly. "Don't not go on my account, Jess," he said reassuringly.

"I just... don't want to see the pool of your blood again," she said quietly. "I can't face it."

"You won't have to," he said calmly, picking up her hand and kissing her knuckles. "That's away in my room, which you couldn't get to."

"If they're going to fix the place up, you'll have to come back eventually," Schmidt told them both, feeling a little like he was interrupting a private moment.

"Would you come with me, Nick?" Jess asked softly. "I'd love to see if I can get any of my things back."

Nick blew a breath between his lips and agreed to go. He couldn't say no to Jess when she needed him.

The three of them arrived at their apartment. It didn't look anything like the place that they used to live. It looked like a crumbling shell of their old place. They could barely recognize it.

Winston joined them, holding four hard hats and wearing a grim expression. They each took one and perched them on their heads and made their way to the front door quietly. Nick felt Jess tense next to him and took her hand in his tightly. His leg was still in pretty bad shape, so he limped quite heavily. Jess took her hand out of his and wound it tightly around his waist, taking some of his weight on to her.

They finally reached the fourth floor and gasped. Their front door was smashed in, hanging limply on its hinges.

"They broke the doors down to check for survivors after you guys had been evacuated," Schmidt explained. "They did every door in the building."

The group walked into the apartment together, gasping at the scene of destruction that laid out before them. The big windows in the living room were completely gone. The TV was still there, but the screen was smashed. The couch had been battered to destruction by falling bricks.

They split into two groups, with Winston and Schmidt heading to their rooms and Jess and Nick moving slowly and reluctantly towards theirs. The pile of rubble that had trapped them in Nick's room had been removed.

"We won't go in my room, Jess," Nick said, knowing that she was dreading it.

"Let's just go see what's gone from mine," Jess replied tightly. She held his waist a little tighter and they hobbled across the room together.

Opening the door to Jess's bedroom, Nick felt a tightness in his chest. The memories of the day were flashing back to him. He could feel panic rising inside him as he looked at the rubble around him, feeling trapped and remembering how alone he felt lying on the ground.

Jess felt him hesitate. She pulled him with her. They had to get through this together and the faster they did it, the faster they could get back out.

Jess's bed was totally destroyed. Her bedside table had fallen forward and spilled its contents on the floor. Jess put Nick up against the doorframe for balance and picked through the masonry and debris to see what she could find.

She managed to locate a few trinkets that had been in her bedside table. There were very few things that she was attached to, but she had managed to find them all, which had made her feel a little better. She grabbed a suitcase from the wardrobe, which was completely intact, and filled it with as many of her clothes and shoes as she could. She quickly wheeled it to the door and returned to Nick.

"C-can we go look?" Jess asked nervously.

"Are you sure you want to, Jess?" Nick replied, watching her face.

"I think I need to see it," she said quietly. "I need to see it and move on. Prove to myself that it isn't this giant thing that has been haunting my nightmares."

"Ok, Jess," Nick agreed. "It might help us both, I guess."

They moved slowly to Nick's bedroom, steeling themselves for the worst. He opened the door and they went inside.

Jess gasped as she looked down at the floor. The pool of blood was still there, dark and sinister. The streaks where Jess had dragged him away from the rubble had darkened and dried, but were still very much present. What Jess hadn't expected to see was her blood adorning the walls and the rubble.

She looked down at her hands and saw mostly healed scrapes there. She hadn't really registered the injuries at the time. She remembered cutting her hand on the smashed glass from the window. She had a flash of remembrance of the brickwork scraping her hands as she feverishly moved it.

Nick saw what she was looking at and realized that her adrenaline at the time had carried her through the injuries. He turned her to face him and saw the haunted look in her eyes. He kissed her hands as gently as he could and then kissed her forehead.

They turned to look at the room once more. Jess went to get the savior of the whole story, Nick's laptop. He grinned at her sentimentality and asked her to grab the only box of clothes not squashed by rubble. They were just about to leave when Winston and Schmidt walked in.

"Oh my god, Nick," Schmidt said quietly.

"Damn, Jess," Winston interjected. "You moved all that rubble? All that over there!"

Jess's eyes flew over to the huge pile that covered the back half of the room.

"Guess I did," she said with a sad nod.

"And that's..." Schmidt trailed off, taking in the blood.

They knew that it had been a truly horrible and traumatic experience for Nick and Jess, but seeing the aftermath laid out in front of them made them realize just how awful it had been. Both men were glad that Jess had been there for Nick. They knew if it was anyone else, they both wouldn't have gotten out alive.

All four of them left, dragging their few belongings along behind them.


	6. Chapter 6

Schmidt stood outside a pile of rubble, pounding his fists on it and screaming. Not a single noise was coming out as he screamed and he could feel panic bubbling up inside him. A strong wind plucked at his clothes and tried to push him back. He couldn't get a grip on a single stone. His hands slipped off as though the rocks were made out of glass.

He screamed and screamed for his friends, Nick and Jess, but he couldn't get any noise to come out of his mouth. He kept on screaming, pushing harder until he could feel his throat grow raw.

He looked at the stones and realized that he couldn't grip them because they were coated in slick layers of blood. His hands were covered in it.

He tried to wipe his hands clean on his shirt, but he couldn't. His whole body was coated in blood. It made his eyes sting and dripped into his mouth, leaving a warm metallic tang on his tongue.

He tried to run away, but his feet were locked in place, not budging even a millimeter as he pulled with all his might. As he screamed, the rocks grew veins and the blood gushed towards him in an unctuous wave. Finally his screams came out as a sound and he crashed into darkness.

Schmidt took a deep breath. He opened his eyes and saw that he was in CeCe's bedroom. He was absolutely drenched in cold sweat and sat bolt upright, the ghosts of images haunting him from the dream he had just had.

CeCe stroked his back tiredly. "You were having that same dream again," she told him.

"I'm sorry I woke you," he said quickly, pulling his hand roughly across his face to make himself feel more connected to reality.

"I understand, Schmidt."

That was all she needed to say to make him feel a little better. He laid back down and stared at the ceiling. The nightmare had grown. The first night after the accident, it had been Nick and Jess trapped behind an impenetrable wall. As time had gone on, it had become a bigger wall, with sharper stones sticking out of it. Now, this scene had developed.

Schmidt had decided that the only way to move on from it was to go see the apartment and face his demons. He had thought that being able to get into the place where his friends had been trapped and very nearly killed would prove to whatever it was inside him that they were safe and it was just a pile of bricks.

He couldn't have been more wrong. He had seen the puddle of blood where Nick had been and it had made the nightmare so much worse than it had been. He didn't want to talk to Jess or Nick about it as they had enough to deal with, but almost losing them had taken its toll on him.

He turned over and snuggled into CeCe, trying to lull himself back to sleep.

* * *

Jess unpacked her clothes with a flourish, happily putting them in the hotel's rather spartan wardrobe. She put a few trinkets around the room and smiled, feeling a little bit more at home. Nick smiled over at her.

"Should we talk about earlier?" Jess asked, quietly, her smile dulling down a notch.

"I guess we should," Nick replied in the dullest, flattest voice that Jess had ever heard.

"We survived," she said slowly. "By some miracle, from the looks of it."

"Yeah," Nick said incredibly softly. "It's the kind of thing you see in the movies or on TV. That's not _our_ place."

"It certainly doesn't feel like home anymore, huh?"

"I don't know, I guess if we were going to be in a situation like that, at least it was somewhere we know."

"I guess," Jess muttered. She needed to be near Nick. She had a sudden wave of remembrance of the hollow loneliness that she had felt that night. She sat next to him on the bed, as close as she could possibly get to him without crawling on his lap, and snuggled under his arm. His warmth comforted her.

Nick saw Jess's eyes darken and knew she'd flitted back. It had been so much harder on her because she had lived every second of it and he had just dipped in and out, senses and emotions dulled by his lack of clarity. He felt oddly lucky.

He leaned over and kissed the top of her head. Jess looked up at his face as he pulled back and her eyes roved across his scruffy stubble and up to his deep brown eyes. Nick locked eyes with her, feeling his face crinkle into a small smile. Jess matched it, her bright blue eyes lighting up as she saw his smile reach his eyes.

Nick brought his hand up to her cheek and cupped it gently, stroking the soft peachy skin on her cheekbone. They sat that way for what seemed like hours, completely comfortable in the silence. Nick put his forehead to hers. They were so close that they could feel each others' breath playing on their skin.

A shiver of anticipation ran down Jess's spine. Nick felt her shudder and grinned lightly. He bridged the last few centimeters between them slowly and steadily, bringing his lips softly to hers. They both closed their eyes and parted their lips, reveling in the familiar warmth of each others' touch. Jess's toes went a little numb and her chest constricted as she saw stars in the darkness.

Nick poured every ounce of gratitude and love that he felt for the woman in his arms into the embrace. He buried his hand in her hair and pulled her in close to him. As they parted, Nick breathed in a deep lungful of her flowery, womanly scent and he barely suppressed a gasp.

They opened their eyes, immediately locking on to each others' smiling gaze. They relaxed into the bed, Nick's arm tightly hugging Jess beside him.

After a few minutes of silence, Nick felt a warm tear splash on his arm. He quickly pulled back to look at Jess, whose face had crumpled. Tears coursed down her face, eerily silent.

"Hey, what's wrong, Jess?" Nick asked in a quietly soothing voice.

She just shook her head in response and covered her eyes with her hands. She brought her knees up to her chest, trying to make herself as tiny as possible.

"Come on, sweetheart," he implored. "Get it out. You'll feel better, I promise."

Jess looked up at Nick, giving him a stark stare straight in his eyes. She looked as though she was trying to work out if he meant that.

"I just..." she trailed off, floundering for the words she wanted. He gave her a squeeze of reassurance. "I just remember how lost and alone I felt. I keep trying to push it away, but every time I do it pops back, even worse than the last time."

"You don't have to feel like that again," Nick told her with a quiet authority. "I'm here and going nowhere for as long as you want me. We're in this together now, in each others' hearts. You're not alone, Jess."

Jess's eyes remained fixed on his. Old Nick would never had said these things to her or anyone else, but new Nick was something else. She knew that he had feelings buried way down deep, but now they were right at the surface. Although, she mused, her feelings were as close to the surface as they could be and were spilling out all over. Perhaps his feelings finding a voice would be temporary.

Nick could see that his words were filtering through. The back part of his brain, the bit that tickled when you thought really hard, was where his feelings usually lived. They were squashed and ignored, put away where they couldn't hurt him. But being buried and then feeling his life draining away from him had given him a moment of absolute clarity.

He always knew he loved Jess and was mostly happy to be friends who drove each other nuts and sometimes were incredibly attracted to each other. However, knowing that she wouldn't give up on him and would fight with absolutely everything that she had to keep him galvanized him into showing his feelings and taking a leap with her. The risk of getting hurt emotionally somehow didn't matter to him anymore.

"I've been having nightmares," Jess whispered, dropping her eyes from his face.

"I'd honestly be surprised if you didn't, Jess," Nick said softly and warmly. "You went through a lot that day. It's a wonder you've come out of it as right as you are."

The acknowledgement that it was ok to feel how she did, said so matter-of-factly, made Jess's eyebrows rise towards her hairline. She had thought that she should push her feelings away and had been forcing them to the back of her mind rather severely. Nick sensed that she needed him to say a little more.

"While you were in the situation, you put all your feelings in a box, Jess," he explained. "You needed to so that you could get through it. It's a coping mechanism. But the thing about doing that is you need to come back and open the box up otherwise it starts spilling out when you don't expect it."

"H-how do you know all of that?" Jess asked, her forehead wrinkled in confusion.

"I'm a barman," he told her simply. "I've seen people do it both ways and I can tell ya, if you don't take everything out of the box it can screw you up completely." He took Jess's chin gently between his thumb and forefinger and pulled her face up so that her eyes were level with his. "I can't let you screw yourself up, so I'm here to help you let it out."

Nick felt her chin quake beneath his touch and saw the tears spill down her cheeks unfettered. He pulled her on to his lap, balancing most of her weight on his good leg, squeezing her in as tight as he could, letting his presence comfort her as much as he could.

Jess murmured, letting her fears spill out of her. Nick gave as many reassurances as he could, for all of the questions and worries that were coherent. He stroked her hair and kissed her forehead, wiping her tears away with his fingers.

Gradually her tears subsided and she took deep shaky breaths. She took herself off his lap and walked to the bathroom, blowing her nose with a loud trumpet that seemed at odds with how serious the atmosphere was in the room. She came back in and met Nick's worried gaze.

Jess looked somehow lighter for having let some of her fear and anguish out. She felt as though she was a little bit healed somehow. She didn't have the shadow of frightening emotions lurking behind her. For the first time since the explosion happened, she felt hopeful that everything was actually going to be ok.


End file.
